


Remember Me As A Time Of Day

by futuraultra



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band), VerKwan - Fandom
Genre: First Love, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slice of Life, Summer Love, Young Love, kpop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 20:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14481009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futuraultra/pseuds/futuraultra
Summary: Seungkwan moves to a new town, a place where everything is different, and yet, all the same.He meets a boy who proves that home is a feeling, not a place.(Prequel to: "Everywhere And Right Here")





	Remember Me As A Time Of Day

Growing up is realizing that someone else’s definition of “a long time ago” is a lot different than your own. I would say I discovered virgin love a long time ago, but that might not be the same to you.  
But some time ago, I won’t say how long, I fell in love with a boy of two names; one for my arms, and one for his mother’s.  
Hansol Vernon Chwe was everything but my own, but I couldn’t help myself from falling in love with him all at once. 

Ch.1

I had just turned 15 in January and I got the news that my family and I were going to be moving up north for my dad’s job.  
I have to be honest with you and say that I was the furthest from happy about it as I could be. I literally knew nothing else besides my southern bayside town.  
I had fallen in love with my home the way a mother falls in love with her newborn child. So the idea of leaving sent me into fits.  
I would miss my friends, and the way the sun would set over the hot sand in the summer; making the whole beach glow with amber light.  
I would miss the familiar, how I could walk around town with my eyes closed and never once, even for a second, believe myself to be lost.  
And now, I would be entering my second year of highschool not knowing anyone.  
We moved in July about four hours north to a town I’d never even heard of.  
To my shock and almost pleasure, it was also a bayside town. It was a bit ritzier than our last town, but nonetheless, it had an aura of nostalgia, as if I was returning to a place I knew all too well.  
We pulled into our neighborhood and began the slow drive to the back culdesac. It was the middle of the day in the middle of July, and the sun was blasting through my window and cooking my skin.  
I looked out the window with my eyes barely open to block out the sunlight. Each house had something different about it, either a lawn ornament, eccentric foliage, or…  
A cute boy, lying on the front lawn on a towel in mid-thigh swim trunks. I said that the car was going slow, but not slow enough for me to get a long enough look at him.  
I feel like even if time had stopped, I wouldn’t have gotten even a fraction of the glimpse I would’ve have wanted of the raven-haired boy.  
Eventually we pulled into the driveway of our new house. It was modest in comparison to the surrounding houses; a large ranch style house with beautiful stonework and huge oak trees that dominated the front yard.  
We already had movers move in most of our belongings in the days leading up to now, so all that was left for us to bring in from the car were some clothes and loose ends.  
As I walked into the house, the smell of new paint and duster hit me. Thats the great thing about YOUR house, is that it captures a smell that can never be recreated. It's a smell that's synonymous to safety and comfort, and everything you hold dear. Hopefully the new house will assimilate to us the more we’re in it.  
I go to my room, the last one on the right at the end of the hall. The room is small, but airy, as it faces the front of the house and let’s in every bit of the summer light. I lay down on my bare mattress in a heap of exhaustion. I stare up at my slow-moving ceiling fan and think about how things aren’t going to be the same anymore. Change isn’t easy for anyone, but I feel like it’s never been easy for me.  
“Seungkwan!” I hear from the kitchen. I get up off of my bed and head towards the direction of the voice. I find my mother in the kitchen putting away china. “Seungkwan sweetie, could you do me a favor and run out to the car and grab the rest of the pots and pans, they should all be in one box.” My mom says.  
I step out the front door and into the blistering heat of the day. The trunk of the car is still open as we unload the last bits. I take out the box labeled “pots and pans” and head back into the house. Suddenly, I trip on the front stoop of the porch and I send the box flying. The box lands with a crash, pots and pans ripping through the packing tape and scattering everywhere.  
My mom comes running out and gasps in shock. “Oh my gosh Seungkwan! What happened?!” She yells. “I guess I just, I don’t know, lost my footing?” I croak back. “ Oh my gosh Seungkwan, look at your knees.” My mom cries. I look down only to realize my knees are opaque with red. As soon as I lay eyes on my battered knees, the pain kicks in.  
I stumble into the kitchen and grab a wad of paper towels and wet them. I begin to wash off my bloodied knees, slowly revealing the large gashes running vertically across them.  
Eventually, I get my knees all wrapped up, making sure to double wrap them in medical gauze so that the bandages stay attached to my constantly bending and swaying knees.  
This isn’t the best welcome to this house.  
I go back to my room and mold myself into my prior position. The ceiling fan is still slowly turning, like it can feel that the summer still has a long way to go.  
I let out a sigh in frustration of what to do with the last remaining month of vacation. I would usually spend my days down by the bay with my friends, all the while turning red in the heat. At night, we would stay out too late, riding our bikes to nowhere, shouting into the cool midnight air, hoping that God would hear and be jealous of the unadulterated youth that still ran through our summer blood.  
Now, I didn’t know what I would fill my time with. I guess I could at least get to know my neighborhood, if anything I could just ride my bike all summer and have some killer legs to sport at my new school.  
I get up from my bed and head to the garage. My bike is leaned against the wall with the rest of my family’s bikes. I grab it by the handle bars and yell to my mom that I’m leaving.  
I rush out of my garage and into the the cooling afternoon sun. I love the afternoon, I feel like all the best things happen in the afternoon, and nobody appreciates it that much. I feel as if the afternoon is reserved for youth, like it was only meant for us to see. The shadows on the road of leaves being gently blown in the July breeze whisper a safety that can only be found when your young.  
I eventually round the corner of the road and spot the boy from earlier. He’s still lying in the front yard of his cape-cod style house, only now he’s reading a book. I get onto the sidewalk across the street from him and begin to slow my pedaling. I have to think of a reason to stop and get a longer look at him.  
I decide to fake tie my shoes to buy me some time, so I stop my bike and lean it up against a tree. I untie both of my shoes and begin to retie them as I quickly steal glances of the sun-kissed boy. Suddenly, as I’m about to finish up with my second shoe, I sense a presence moving toward me. I look up only to realize my boy crush crossing the street and walking in my direction.  
I decide to finish off my shoe slowly and just wait to see what he wants. Eventually he makes it over to me and stops just inches from my shoe. I look up and see the boy, more beautiful than ever, surrounded by a halo of setting light. His hair is long, black, and curls in the sweetest way. His charcol locks sparkle in the shining flickers of sun through the trees. He has a pen tucked behind his ear revealing an ear piercing on his upper cartilage.  
“Hey.” He says shortly. “Um, hey.” I say back. “Yeah I was just over there and I saw you untie both of your shoes and retie them, so I just wanted to check to see if you needed any extra assistance since you kept looking my way.” He says quickly. “Oh, yeah, well, I just, uhh, didn’t like how they were tied before, they were just a little um, tight.” I croak back. “What happened to your legs?” He asks while pointing to my severely bandaged knees. “Oh, I just tripped, like just now.” I respond. “Does it hurt?” He asks. “I mean, I guess. I’ll be fine.” I say. He chuckles.“Well I’m Vernon anyway, I saw you drive by in your car earlier.” “H-he saw me?” I think to myself. “Yeah, I just moved into the house down there in the cul de sac.” I say as I gesture in the direction of my house. “My name’s Seungkwan by the way.” I reach up to shake his hand and he pulls me up and into a sideways bro-hug. “Cool man, how old are you? I’m 15 myself.” Vernon inquires. “Oh yeah, I’m 15 too, my birthday’s in January.” I say back. “Oh sweet, mine’s in February, so we’re kinda close!” He exclaims back.  
“What book are you reading.” I say as I point to the literature in his hand. “ Oh uh, it’s called ‘Norwegian Wood.’ It’s really beautiful, I like stuff about nostalgia, and it’s also kind’ve sad, but it’s also a love story? I don’t know, it’s one of my favorite books, this is like my fifth time reading it.” He says. “I’ll have to read it sometime.” I say back. “Actually why don’t you just borrow mine? It’s really good and I think you’ll like it, I mean, I really like it so...” Vernon says as he passes me the worn book. “Oh ok, thank you so much. I’ll definitely read it since I don’t really have anything to do this summer.” “Well text me when your done.” He says as he pulls the pen from behind his ear and begins to scribble his number on the back of my hand.  
“I-I will.” I whisper. Vernon smiles, tucks the pen behind his ear, and walks back in the direction of his house.  
That was it. The ever so serendipitous moment where I felt every particle crashing together, the way they had billions of years ago while creating the cosmos. I feel like people still argue over whether love at first sight is real or not, and maybe this wasn’t love I was feeling, but, 

I never wanted to feel anything else. 

Ch. 2

It had been about a week since I had first met Vernon and I hadn’t gotten up the guts to call him, but I knew I had to. I had copied his number from my hand onto a sticky note that was now stuck to the wall beside my bed.  
I wanted to call him and tell him that I had finished his book. I devoured it like all the words were ones Vernon desperately needed me to know.  
I look at the sticky note hanging on my wall, examining every number. I let out a deep sigh, ‘I need to call him’ I think. I reach for my phone and type the numbers in one by one. There is a moment of hesitation before I press call. A moment that can be reflected in a a lot of the choices we make in life; a precipice and then an ignited decision that will change us, for better or worse.  
I press the call button and I’m immediately covered in a cold film of sweat. The phone rings and rings….and rings. I almost chicken out and hang up when suddenly from the other end, a young “hello?” echoes through the phone line. “Hey, Vernon? This is Seungkwan.” I squeak. “Oh, oh my gosh hey man what’s up, I thought for sure you weren’t going to call.” Vernon says. “Yeah sorry I’ve actually been really busy reading your book.” I chuckle back. “Oh wow you’re actually reading it? I gotta be honest I wasn’t expecting you to actually read it it.” He laughs.  
“Oh yeah? Why not?” I ask. “Well I don’t know, it’s just, I don’t know. But I’m really glad you actually did read it.” He says. “It was really good, I actually just kinda called to talk about it with you.” I say. “Well if you want to talk about it with me, let’s talk in person!” He exclaims. “Meet me at my house as soon as you can and we can just chill.”  
“O-Okay! I’ll see you in a few minutes then.” I say. There’s a beep on the other end and I put down my phone.  
Oh my gosh, i-is this a date? No. I need to stop buying into my own fantasy. Besides, the last thing I need right now is a relationship, even though deep down I’d really love to have one. I mean, I barely even know Vernon. But even so, just hearing his voice over the phone made me blush. It’s such a grounding, human experience to “like” someone I guess. Everyone does it, and at times, it feels good to be just like everyone else. To just live a life of normalcy, where I can blush because of a boy, and get butterflies in my stomach, and feel like time has stopped just for me and him.  
I get up and put an extra layer of deodorant on. I look over at the nice cologne my mom had gotten me for my birthday but I’d never worn. Would it be too much if I wore some? Would he know I was trying too hard? I decide to anyway, taking the frosted glass bottle in my hand and spraying a few spritzes on my neck and shirt. It smells of mahogany and...what’s that other smell? I couldn’t say.  
I run to the bathroom and give myself one last look, parting my hair the way it would never stay, but the way I always wanted it. I take a deep breath then exit the bathroom and start heading for the garage. “Mom! I’m going to see a friend!” I yell. Suddenly I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. “Where are you going?” My mom inquiries. “My friend’s house. He lives right up the street in the Cape Cod.”  
“I didn’t even know you made a friend yet, that’s so great sweetie, what’s their name?” She asks. “His name is Vernon.” I respond with an inflection of adoration. “Well ok then, you have fun, but don’t leave the neighborhood without telling me okay?”  
“I won’t!” I shout as I head into the garage to retrieve my bike. I press the garage door button and the door slowly creaks open. I push off the concrete floor of the garage and head out into the wide open air.  
The day is hot, and I couldn’t be happier. I think everyone wishes for an infinite summer at some point when they’re a kid, just having infinite days to melt into. Infinite days to just run around, in whatever way that means to you.  
I soon round the same bend as always, and the little blue Cap Cod I now hold so dear, comes into view. I pull up in Vernon’s driveway and lay my bike down on his front lawn. I walk up the couple steps onto his front porch and ring the doorbell. Soon a sound of a door unlocking emits from the inside of the house. The door swings open, and all at once my lungs are filled with air.  
There in the doorway stands the hazel-eyed beauty, whose hair fell in soft ringlets begging to be caressed. Seeing him like this could have been enough for me, and I’ll never forget the way he looked in the summer sun. How he knocked me on my back just by the way his blood pumped through his veins, as if no one else had ever done it quite like he did. It was almost as if he existed just for me to find him, if only for a moment, but even a moment was forever with him. His skin glowed a soft honey, a boy carmelized in the baking heat as he stood before me in the doorway on that day in July.  
“Hey Seungkwan.” Vernon said as I snapped out of my trance. “Oh, hey.” I squeak back. “Hey I was thinking I could show you the bay today, we could just hang out since it’s such a nice day.” He suggests. “Yeah, I would actually love that a lot, thanks.”  
“Alright lemme just grab my bike, it’s just around the side.” He says as he exits the house and begins walking around the side. He retrieves a blue bike from the side of the house, a nice one with about 12 speeds. “Alright, let’s go then.” He says.  
Soon, we’re cruising down the street and beyond the neighborhood, something I had just promised my mom I wouldn’t do. Vernon is riding ahead of me, and I couldn’t mind any less. It gives me a rare chance to just stare at him, even if it’s only from the back.  
We wove in and out of each other as we made our way down to the beach, as if the road was a ballroom floor, and we were it’s dancers. The breeze of the late afternoon blew through my hair as I rode further and further away from my new neighborhood, breathlessly lead into the unknown by a boy all his own.  
Eventually we get down to the water and I finally see the stretch of beach that seems endless in either direction. The water is glittering with diamonds of the low sun shining across the horizon. Out past the water are distant islands that are scattered amongst one another. The beach is lined with a decorative wall bordered by a roped fence.  
We eventually pull into a gap in the fence where we lay our bikes along the wall. Immediately, Vernon removes his shirt and begins running full force towards the water. I stand there in shock as I watch his tanned, muscular back move further and further away from me. He eventually gets to the shoreline and roughly trudges into the breaking of the waves.  
He eventually turns his back to the water and falls backward, completely submerging his entire body. He comes up and shakes his head in an effort to remove the excess water from his hair. “Seungkwan! Get in here man! It’s so warm!” He yells from the sea. I shrug and remove my shirt as well.  
As I run down the the beach towards the crashing of the waves, the sand begins to melt my feet. I pick up the pace, my feet dying for the reprieve of the cool ocean currents. Eventually I make it to the shoreline and I jump right in, drenching my whole body in the nostalgic summer sea.  
As I come back up out of the water, I struggle to spot Vernon. I look around frantically, I can’t have possibly lost my new friend now. Suddenly I feel a yank at my ankles and I fall back into the water. When I come up, Vernon and I are face to face, and he’s dying laughing.  
“Sorry man, I just had to!” He cackles. I push him over and we both die laughing as we continue to play in the cool, blue water. 

<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>

Eventually, we exhaustingly make our way out of the sea and back to the wall where our clothes are bikes are strewn about. We’re both dripping wet, and as the sun gets even lower in the sky, a chill falls over the both of us.  
“Man I guess we should've brought some towels.” Vernon says through chattering teeth. “Well to be honest with you, I wasn’t expecting to get wet in the first place.” I say in return “Well then let’s head back to my house, we can dry off there.” Vernon suggests.  
We begin our brisk ride back to Vernon’s house, my shorts chafing my damp skin the whole time. It’s beautiful though, as we ride through the evening air. The sky's ablaze with reds, pinks, and oranges, the way it only seems to do in the dead of summer, when you have nothing better to do than look up at it, and relish in the moment.  
Eventually we make it back to Vernon’s house and we drop our bikes on his front yard. We quietly tip toe our way inside his front door and up the stairs to his room.  
He hands me a change of clothes drenched in his scent. We change back to back, and while neither of us catch even a glance of each other’s skin, the air is thick and erotic. We both finish changing and Vernon hangs both of our clothes up to dry on the shower curtain of his bathroom.  
We both lay on his bed, my head on one pillow, his head on another. “So how was the book?” He finally asks. I roll over from my back onto my side to face him. He follows, and does the same, and soon enough we are only 6 inches away from each others faces.  
His gentle features are heightened in the soft, yellow lamplight of his room. His big doll-like eyes are sparkling in the glimmers of light that shine past his body. His lips are chapped and pink from the salty day in the sea, and his cheeks are flushed with youth. I could stay forever in this moment, just drinking in the way he glows, and burns, like a single candle begging to be put out.  
“I thought the book was...complicated. The way life should be portrayed.” I finally say. “I think people often focus too much on one thing or another in literature, but this book was, for me at least, the perfect mix of what it means to be human. Of what it means to fall in love, and lose it. Or how it feels to be faced with decisions you don’t entirely know how to solve. I also really love the ambiguity of the ending.”  
“Wow, I’m really impressed with your thoughts on that, again, I’ve never had anyone really take much interest in this book, so I guess it just means a lot to me that you did.” Vernon says.  
“Of course, why wouldn’t I? You’re my...friend.” I slowly say, as if to ensure that’s the word I wanted to use to describe this boy who I was utterly infatuated with. “Yeah I guess we are friends now aren’t we?” He chuckles back.  
There’s a certain tension in the air, as we stare at each other, face to face in the orange glow of the lamp. It’s that feeling directly after laughter, that lull that could never be explained, and at that same time, has no need to be explained.  
Our hands were side by side, mine on my pillow, and his on his own. I still don’t know to this day, what he might’ve felt in that moment. But for me, lying there next to him, our breathing intertwining in the small space between us, was everything romance made itself out to be. It took everything in my power not to intertwine my fingers with his. I wished so badly that I could, at least once, close the divide between us and lay kiss on his shimmering, tanned forehead.  
But he was still an acquaintance in the bigger picture. I had only to this point known him for a week, but the passion in my heart held itself as if I had known him for an eternity, perhaps something akin to a soulmate.  
I often wonder, in the case of soulmates, if you would awaken in an alternate dimension as yourself, or if you would awaken in a new body on a journey to find the familiar soul inside of a separate, new, and unique vessel. Maybe that’s what soulmates are about, reincarnations of the same souls again and again, leading completely different lives each time but eventually crashing into each other inevitably; again and again, life after life.  
That was the feeling I got with Vernon, as if this wasn’t the first time I had met him. As if we were both tethered to each other through time and space; the universe bringing us together in this life and the next.  
Eventually I break the velvety silence between us; “It’s getting a little late, I should probably go home. Thanks for everything today.”  
Vernon sighs before responding: “Thank you Seungkwan, and I would really love it if I could see you more.” My breath hitches at the sound of Vernon’s statement. The feeling of being wanted by someone is something that can never be replaced. The feeling of being at least a blip on the radar of someone else’s journey, a character in their own story, is a feeling all it’s own. To say I was overwhelmed by him saying what he said would be an understatement. Time felt like it stopped for a moment as I collected what to say next.  
“W-well I’m free for the rest of the summer, so I definitely don’t see why not.” I stutter. “Why don’t you hang out with me tomorrow, there’s a festival going on downtown and my friend and I were gonna go and you should come with.” Vernon suggests.  
“Yeah, actually, I would really love that, like a lot.” I say. “Okay, well, we’ll come pick you up tomorrow at like six, so be ready then.”  
“I will.” I say as I get off the bed and head for the door. “Bye Vernon.” I say in almost a whisper as I look back. “Bye Seungkwan.” He whispers in return. I head out of Vernon’s house undetected, my wet clothes in tote. I get on my bike and begin to ride back to my house. I almost wish my journey was further, because all I wanted to do was think about him, and the way we layed next to each other.  
How quenching that night was to my very soul. The thought of him tangled itself around my heart. If there is a god, I truly know, if but a glimpse, of his benevolence. But at the same time, I almost hope that this is just a perfect slice of serendipity.

Ch. 3

I somehow got into my house without alerting anyone, and the next day it seemed like no one had any suspicions about by adventures beyond the neighborhood. As I sat at the table eating lunch, I remembered my invitation from last night.  
“H-hey mom?” I hesitantly said. My mom, who was busy cleaning dishes and quietly going through her laundry list of tasks she needed to accomplish for the day, kept her back to me but responded with a “Yes?”  
“So uh, last night, Vernon invited me to go to a festival tonight with his friend, and I was just wondering if I could go?”  
“Who’s driving you?” She asked. I paused, come to think of it, I didn’t really know. “Um, let me text Vernon real quick and ask.” I say. I open my phone and quickly type Vernon’s name into the message bar. “Hey, so who’s exactly driving us to the festival tonight?” I type. Not more than 30 seconds later, my phone dings: “My friend I told you about, his name is Mingyu, he turned 16 in April and he’s gonna drive us.”  
“Okay mom, so Vernon’s friend, Mingyu has a license so he’s gonna drive us there.” “A friend huh? Well I’m going to have to meet this friend before he drives you anywhere.” She says firmly.  
I quickly text Vernon: “Okay, well my mom has her suspicions so she wants to meet him first lmao. And now at least you can meet my mom too.”  
“Haha sure.” He texts back.  
I clean my bowl and head to my room, desperate to find an outfit that not only could impress Vernon, but also this new stranger. I hadn’t always been a huge fashionista or anything, but then again, I don’t know if I ever wanted to impress a boy this badly before.  
It was almost effortless for Vernon to look good, his skin so naturally glowed, and his eyes so naturally sparkled. He really does take my breath away.  
I finally decided on my favorite jean shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, I mean after all, it was still summer.  
I killed the rest of the day by organizing and reorganizing my new room, it’s the only thing I really had to fill my time. When I finally got everything unpacked and in it’s right place it was about five o’clock. I go to the bathroom to touch up my hair and outfit in the mirror when I suddenly feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket.  
It’s a text from Vernon (who I may or may not have put a heart beside his name in my phone). “Hey, change of plans, Mingyu and I are coming over right now, we wanna show you something.”  
I immediately break out into a sweat, which makes me even more nervous at the thought of pit stains in my fresh shirt.  
I run out to the living room where my parents are sat. “Mom, Vernon and Mingyu are actually coming right now so I’ll actually be leaving in just a second.” “Okay, are you still going to the festival?” She asks. I pause for a split second, as not even I knew where Vernon and Mingyu were taking me. “Yeah, we uh, just wanted to get there a little earlier.” I lie.  
“Okay, well, don’t stay out too late ok,” she says. “And text me when you get there .”  
Suddenly I see a car pull up into our driveway, and a horn beeps to beckon me outside. “That’s them! I’ll see you guys later.” I say as I head out the door. “Wait I want to meet them!” My mom stops me. She follows me out the door and right up to Mingyu’s car. Mingyu rolls down his window and my mom leans in. “Hi boys! I’m Seungkwan’s mom.” She cheerily yells as she reaches for each of their hands. “Nice to meet you.” Hansol and Mingyu say almost in unison. “You boys be safe and make smart choices tonight okay? I don’t want Seungkwan back too late so watch the time okay?” She asks. “Will do ma’m.” Hansol chimes in. “Well you three have fun!” My mom says as she backs away from the car with a wave.  
I get in on the driver’s side and slam the door in embarrassment. As I sit down, Vernon, and who I now know to be Mingyu, turn to me. “She’s sweet.” Vernon says. “Yeah whatever, she’s great.” I say, cheeks flushed red. “Where are we going by the way?” “We decided to show you one of our favorite spots in town. Well actually it’s just outside of town, but it’s really cool I promise.” Says Vernon. “Oh I’m Mingyu by the way.” Mingyu says with a nod. He is stunning as well, almost as if this town has something in it’s water. He is even more tan than Vernon, and his skin is flawless. He has long black hair that just about covers the entirety of his equally jet-black eyebrows. While he’s stunningly handsome, his face has a softness to it, a softness you only really see in the faces of children, a certain youthful trust and innocence.  
We back out of my driveway, and soon we’re driving far away from my neighborhood and up into the backroads of our town. The setting sun is flickering through the treeline as we drive the winding roads by the sea. The car is quiet as we take in one of the final summers of our youth. The windows are rolled down, and the wind from the speeding car sends a chill up my spine that instantly replaced by a momentary warm stillness.  
We drive for what seems like forever until Mingyu finally pulls his car over. My first thought is confusion as there seems to be nothing to pull over for. We get out of the car and the boys immediately began making a deliberate beeline for a trail I didn’t even see. “C’mon Seungkwan! I promise this is worth it!” Vernon yells back to me. I follow the two boys up the trail and into a meadow lined with trees and a small creek.  
Soon we break out of the treeline and into wide open air. I look to my right, and I suddenly see what “worth” Vernon had been talking about. We were on top of a hill, or rather perhaps a small mountain, that overlooked everything. Down below was our town, which stretched the expanse of the visible shore. And beyond the town, was the ocean, which was glowing orange and yellow from the burn of the evening.  
The three of us sit down in unison, without a word being said, and slowly lay back onto the sweet, soft grass. The grass isn’t alone in the meadow though, all around us are clusters of flowers. One type catches my eye, small blue ones, with a yellow center, and delicate petals. “Do you know what kind of flowers these are?” I say as I reach out and touch one of them. “They’re Forget-Me-Nots.” Mingyu softly says. “In Greek lore, the Creator had thought he was done with coloring all of the flowers, when he suddenly heard a small voice from one small flower; ‘Forget me not!’ The flower whispered. And although the creator had no other colors left except for a tiny bit of blue, the flower couldn’t have been happier to bask in it’s new color. At least, that’s the lore I know.” Mingyu chuckles.  
“I think they’re sweet.” Says Vernon. “My favorite flowers are Hydrangeas. Blue Hydrangeas. What are yours Seungkwan?” I thought about it for a moment, and to be honest, I didn’t really know. I guess I had never really given that much thought to flowers. “I don’t know.” I say. “Whichever ones smell the sweetest.1” Vernon and Mingyu chuckle, and we all go back to laying in our own individual thoughts.  
Do you ever have those moments in life, however long or breif, where you are absolutely content? And in that moment, there’s a sensation of wholeness, like you could die right then, and you wouldn’t be mad about it? It’s one of the warmest and safest feelings a human can feel I think. And that’s what I felt lying there in the warm grass, between these new friends; a sense of absolute belonging, and, for at least that moment, perhaps even love.  
I understood why they had brought me here. And maybe it wasn’t as deep as I felt, but as the three of us lay there, our breathing in sync, I could have almost cried. It was a little slice of life, or what I optimistically hoped all of life could be. The wind began to blow, as the final light began to hide behind the ocean horizon. The meadow blew with a soft hush that could’ve have lulled me to sleep.  
I suddenly feel a touch to the tips of my fingers. I open my eyes and look through the blue air to my hand. It’s resting millimeters next to Vernon’s. I look up at his face and we lock eyes, not in an intense way, but in a way that envelops me completely. His gaze is soft and comforting. He looks back down at our hands and I do the same.  
Slowly, if ever so slowly, our hands fill the hairlike gap and intertwine each other. In moments like these, I would normally be flushed with nerves. But for some reason in this moment, all I feel is home. Like everything is right where it’s supposed to be. I can see him smiling out of the corner of my eye, and I’m sure if I could’ve seen myself, I would’ve been smiling even bigger.  
The night finally falls and the three of us are now lying in almost complete darkness. The only light is the glow from the festive town below. Suddenly a bang goes off, startling me to the point of igniting laughter between the two other boys.  
Then, boom, the sky explodes with an array of light and color. Soon, there is a steady stream of fireworks lighting up the young night sky. The three of us sit up and watch in awe at the thousand-year old spectacle. Vernon’s hand is still holding mine, and my heart is almost on the verge of bursting. I almost can’t understand how every step I’ve taken in life has got me to this point.  
We sit there for what seems like hours, in the booming and crackling. All the while his hand in mine. Even when I think back on this day now, from the far off place I’m in, I can still feel it all. I can still see him, and how beautiful he was. And I can still feel how swollen my heart was, like at any moment, it could burst and sizzle, like the lights in the sky.  
Eventually the fireworks end, and we are left in the darkness of the meadow. “We should head out.” Mingyu says. “I have work tomorrow.” We all get up, and by the flashlight of Mingyu’s phone, we lead ourselves back to the car.  
The car ride home is quiet for the most part, only soft conversations between Mingyu and Vernon break the silence. Eventually we pull up to Vernon’s house and he gets out of the car. He waves goodbye to Mingyu and reaches his hand through the back window to give me a handshake. As he pulls away from the handshake and walks towards his house, I feel an object left in my hand. I look down to see a small folded piece of paper.  
I wait till I exit Mingyu’s car and get into my room to unfold the note. I kick off my shoes and lay down on my bed with a humph. I hold the folded paper above me for a second before unfolding it. In small, but neat letters across the paper is written “meet me in montauk.2 ” Another reference of his, the boy really likes books, and I guess cinema as well.  
I reach for my phone and text him; “meet me in montauk huh?” No more than a few seconds later he responds; “Yeah, please.” “Well in case you didn’t realize, we don’t live anywhere near Montauk.” I write. “Well Montauk is more of a feeling than a place, right? Somewhere that’s special to only us, a place no one else understands.” He texts back.  
“Why do you want such a place with me?” I ask, butterflies nearly collapsing my stomach in. “Why not?” He asks in return. “ I don’t know, we haven’t known each other very long.” I write. “Time means nothing, Seungkwan. I think you’re a great person, and since you’ll be here for a while, and we’re friends, we should have a place for just us, ya know?”  
“Just friends?” I think to myself. Is that what he thinks? I don’t have the courage to ask him about us holding hands, not yet at least. “Then where is our Montauk?” I ask. “I have an idea.” He says. “Meet me at my house tomorrow around 11 or something.”  
“Okay.” I type back.

Ch. 4

I toss and turn all night thinking about him. I finally fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning.  
I jerk awake and immediately check the time. “Oh fuck.” I think to myself. It’s 11:30. I jump out of bed and throw on the nearest clothes. “I’m going to Vernon’s!” I yell as I run out the door and get on my bike. “Another sunny day.” I think to myself as I ride through the midday air.  
Soon I pull up to Vernon’s house, and run up to his front door completely out of breath. I knock and soon I hear locks unlocking from the other side. Like before, the door swings open, and Vernon is standing there, not even trying to look beautiful, but doing it anyway.  
“Your late.” He chuckles. “Yeah sorry, I like, way overslept. But I’m here now.” I say. “I can see that. C’mon, we don’t need to ride bikes where we’re going.” He leads me around the side of his house and into his backyard. It’s large and for the most part empty. We walk towards the back of the yard where a small, and unkept trail can be seen leading into the woods behind. We walk down under the cool canopy of the forest. “Where are we going?” I ask as we march deeper into the woods. “You’ll see! It’s not far.” Vernon responds.  
Soon I hear the trickle of water and we come to an opening in the trees. We are suddenly on the bank of a creek. There are large rocks sprinkled throughout the water that jut out of the surface. Butterflies of all sizes and colors are flying the honeysuckle borders of the creek.  
We both take our shoes off and enter the edge of the shallow water. Vernon again take his shirt off and lays down in the water, barely submerging his face in the shallow stream. “He’s so interesting.” I think. Never afraid of what others think, just happy to always be here, in whatever place, at whatever time. He comes up out of the water with a gasp, and also like before, flicks his long black hair out of his eyes.  
“Sit down Seungkwan.” He says as he pulls on my arm. “I just wish you would tell me once in a while that I should wear appropriate clothing for getting wet.” I say as I reluctantly sit down in the cold stream. “I’m not even ever sure what we’re gonna be doing.” He chuckles. “I just like the water, so I get in the water you know?”  
“Vernon can I ask you a question?” “I’m not in trouble am I?” He jokingly inquires. “It’s just, I don’t know, w-what did you mean by holding my hand last night?” “What do you mean what did I mean? I wanted to hold your hand, and so I did.” He says nonchalantly. “Well it’s just that, friends I guess don’t just hold friends’ hands?” I say. “And why not? Did your friends back home never hold your hands?” He asks. “Not really.” I say back. “Well then you must’ve hated where your from then huh?” Vernon says. “No actually. I love my hometown with everything I am, and while it’s been nice here so far, I miss my home.” “So I’m to guess you weren’t excited about moving here, were you?” He asks. I sigh and think for a moment. “I guess not. I mean, I didn’t really know what to expect. I’d never lived anywhere else.” I say.  
“But you like it here don’t you?” He inquires. “Yeah I do, thanks to you.” I say. He blushes, which is something I never thought I’d see his confident character do. “Thanks. You know, so many people stay in one place their whole lives never knowing or caring if it gets any better.” He says.  
“I don’t know which is better.” I say. “ I mean home is home but, for some reason, when I came here, I felt like I had already been here before. Like the strangest sense of deja vu ever.” “W-well.” Vernon stutters. “Whether or not you’ve been here before, I’m uhh, really glad that you’re here now.” The energy between us is electric. I can almost hear his heart pounding as, through the brook, he reaches for my hand. I let him grab it, and I hold his in return.  
I look up at him, and his hazel eyes peer back. “You think this is a friend thing?” I whisper. Vernon shakes his head slowly. “B-but. Can I kiss you as a friend?” He chuckles. “Please.” I whisper back. We both slowly lean in. I’ve only ever kissed a handful of times in my life, but I’ve never wanted one this badly. Soon we are close enough to where I can feel his breath in my lungs, and as our lips close the gap, I feel everything all at once.  
His lips against mine, my lips against his, I’m sure even the creek stopped flowing in that moment. I felt as if time had stopped, as if no other moment in my life could ever come close to this one. Our hands were still locked together through the entirety of this kiss, and as we both pulled away, that’s how they remained.  
We both nervously chuckle and simultaneously take in a flustered sigh. Vernon’s face is beet red, and I’m sure mine is too. “Can I tell you something Seungkwan?” Vernon asks. “Yeah?” I nervously respond. “I haven’t been one hundred percent honest with you in the short time we’ve known each other. And I don’t know. We kind’ve, have something? And I was never expecting this to happen when I met you. But I want you to know that my real name isn’t Vernon.”  
I’m sure I look shocked in this moment, and anxiety is creeping its way in. “T-then what is it?” I ask. “Its Hansol.” He says back. “Why would you lie?” I ask. “Well it’s not a complete lie. Vernon is my middle name, but I thought it seemed cooler, so that’s why I lied. But I want to be entirely me when I’m around you, so I thought you deserved the truth.”  
“I think Hansol is a really sweet name.” I say to him. “I would love to call you that from now on, it suits you.” “I would really like it if you did.” He says back.  
Hansol and I stayed basking in the heat on the bank of the creek for a few more hours, slowly learning more and more about each other, figuring out how each other ticked. All the while, our hands stayed cemented to one another. He was Hansol and I was Seungkwan, but at the same time, he was me, and I was him. We were becoming each other on the bank that day. Our names were becoming a common definition, and our faces, synonymous with one another.

Ch. 5

A few weeks had passed and Hansol and I were hanging out everyday. We just couldn’t get enough of each other. We would go down to the beach with Mingyu, or go to Montauk completely alone. Some nights we would stay up till the sun rose, just talking. I got to meet his parents and little sister Sophia. And eventually he got to meet my parents and sisters as well.  
This time was and is still one of the most precious to me. I remind you again reader, that you are unaware of the time I am writing this from, and I will still not let you know. But one night, in early August, Hansol and I had a conversation, that to this day still echoes in my mind.  
It was around 6 or 7 in the evening and we were lying in his bed. Both of ours eyes were closed, but we weren’t sleeping. When you get truly close to someone, you get to a point where no words are required. Silence with each other becomes one of the best activities.  
Suddenly Hansol turns to me. “Seungkwan?” he whispers. I open my eyes and turn to face him as well. “What?” I ask with a smile. “This is gonna sound kind’ve weird but just, hear me out okay?” He whispers. “Okay.” I respond.  
“If one day I ceased to exist, I don’t know, maybe I would die, or just disappear completely. But whatever the reason, if that day should ever come Seungkwan, I want you to remember me as a time of day.3”  
“What do you mean?” I ask. “I want you to see me in the evenings. I want you to see me as the sun sets, and the sky's ablaze. I want the noon to be my hello, and the horizon to be my farewell. I want you to think of me at dusk. I want to be the last thing you see before the dark. ‘I want you to always remember me. Will you remember that I existed, and that I stood next to you here like this? 4’”  
Tears begin to stream down my face. “Why would you say that?” I whisper through my sniffles. He raises his hand to wipe the tears away from my face. “I don’t know.” He says. “I just think about it sometimes.” “I couldn’t imagine you not existing Hansol.” I whimper. “You lived a life before me Seungkwan, and you’ll surely live a life after me.”  
“I never want to live a life without you. Never.” I say. Hansol takes me by my hips and pulls me closer to him until our noses are touching. “Well then let’s hope that day will never come.” He whispers.  
He kisses the tip of my nose, and I rest my head where his shoulder meets his collarbone. I can hear his heart through his chest, and the rhythm of it is calm. His breath gently blows the tips of my hair on my head. Our arms are intricately woven together as we lay in one of the final evenings of summer.  
It’s at times cruel that life presses on, leaving moments like these in the past. We as humans have such a false sense of control, but time rules all. Never again will I be fifteen and in his arms like that again. That moment was once, but at the same time it was always. I’ll forever see the golden light on his skin as he held me. And hear how his heart only beat with truthful conversation.  
I wish, at least once, you could stop time, and sit in a moment for as long as you’d like. But I guess if that was the case, I would still be fifteen, and it would forever be August. And Hansol. And Hansol. He would forever be a childhood portrait of what love could be. A portrait that hangs in the spare room of my house; the only item that could ever fill a room of its own.  
Suddenly I feel Hansol’s hand moving from the middle of my back, down to the small of my back. My face instantly flushes a bright red. I look up to him, the sun is catching in his hazel eyes and making them sparkle like diamonds. He softly grabs my chin and pulls me right up to his lips. We aren’t kissing, but our lips are in each other’s atmospheres.  
“You’re so beautiful, Seungkwan.” Hansol whispers into my mouth. He suddenly pulls my right leg over him until I’m in a straddled position. His hands are on my hips, and mine are on his chest. He suddenly pulls me down into a passionate kiss, our mouths and noses colliding with hunger. All the while, his hands are running up and down my sides. My hands are tangling in his mess of black hair as I drink in this moment.  
Eventually we are minimized to a sweaty, moaning, and grinding mess. I’ve never felt something like this before, a certain primality mixed with all the love in my heart; an existence somewhere between human and animal.  
I break away from our unending kiss for second and playfully put my hand around Hansol’s throat. He looks up at me with an unsatiated hunger, and smirks at the sudden progression. “God he’s hot.” I think to myself. He looks me up and down as I, for a moment, am the one in control. I honestly don’t really know what I’m doing, but nonetheless I play the part like this is all that I am. He squeezes my hips and flips me over, and suddenly, I’ve lost the upper hand.  
In an almost jerking motion, he leans in mere centimeters away from my neck. “Is this what you want?” He growls. “Yes.” I whisper in faded breath. What I expected to happen next was unfathomable. I had expected to be deflowered in the bedroom of this new boy, and seduced into submission.  
Instead, Hansol leans in, and places a gentle, and soft kiss on my neck, followed by another one on my forehead, as he cradles my body in his arms. “You’re so beautiful Seungkwan.” He repeats.  
A single tear forces its way out of my eye. Nothing could have prepared me for his tenderness in my most vulnerable state. I was still young and naive, and would have done anything to have pleased him that night. But instead, with an almost benign look in his eyes, he laid me down against him, and covered us both up with the thin sheet that lay at the foot of his bed.  
He held me so close to him, that I thought for sure we would become one in that moment. He could’ve squeezed me until I burst just then, like he was juicing an orange. I felt a sense of love in that moment that has never been recreated since. The truest form of love is one that is not spoken, but felt. That love will be the one to stretch across eons. The kind of love that will exist when we are no more, and the earth is dust to dust.  
One day neither I or Hansol will exist. In fact, the proof us living and breathing on this earth will almost cease to exist entirely. But somewhere, amongst the particles and space dust, will be the silhouette of him and I as we lie here on this bed sometime, someplace.

Ch. 6

School was starting again, or for me, it was starting for the first time. But the nervousness that had so plagued me only a month or so ago was long gone. Everyday Hansol, Mingyu, and I would all walk to and from school. Although on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays it would only be only Hansol and I in the afternoon as Mingyu had soccer practice. On those afternoon’s we would walk home hand in hand, unafraid and unbothered if anyone saw us.  
It was only early September, but already the trees were turning red, and falling to the ground. There was a chill in the air. There was a chill in the air.

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I’m sorry to tell you that this story doesn’t end in the way you might’ve wanted it to. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it ended badly.  
I remember one afternoon, Hansol and I went to Montauk for one of the final times. We were both bundled up as it was an early October evening and the wind was beginning to bite.  
There was a strange tension in the air this day, as if all the electricity had turned off. I took my hand out of my coat pocket and grabbed Hansol’s, only, this time, he didn’t hold mine back.  
“What’s wrong?” I ask. “Oh, what? Oh I’m sorry.” He says, breaking out of a trance and holding my hand back. “Sorry, I’ve, just been thinking a lot lately.” Hansol says. “About what?” I ask.  
“A lot of things I guess. About you mostly.” He says coldly. “What about me?” I ask. “Seungkwan. What are we doing?” “W-what do you mean?” I stutter.  
“This.” He says as he shakes my hand. “W-We’re holding hands.” I say. “That’s not what I meant. I mean like. Are we something. Are we nothing?” He shoots off.  
“Well I would hope we’re something.” I laugh. His face remains unchanged, stoic in thought. “I just, I don't know. The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt you Seungkwan, but maybe I’m not even sure what I want. I thought I did, but I’m only human, and I’m trying my best.” He chokes out. “I-I know you are.” I say as I place a hand on his cheek.  
Suddenly tears begin to burst out of his eyes. This takes me by complete surprise as I’ve never seen this side of him. He’s always so happy, and confident, and carefree. But everyone falls apart sometimes. “I care about you so much Seungkwan. So much. So much. But I’m starting to realize maybe I don’t care about myself as much.”  
“I care about you more than anyone.” I say. This moment is one that I know I can’t win. A moment I know he can’t win. You can’t love someone out of this, as hard as you might try. But still, in my confusion and heartbreak, I try. “You are everything to me Hansol Vernon Chwe. You’re all I ever wanna talk about. You’re the only person I ever want to see. And maybe you aren’t looking for an answer right now, and if not, let me at least sit with you, I’ll take some, you take some.” Hansol looks over to me, his eyes glittering wet.  
“Tell me I’m pretty.” He whispers. His command catches me off guard, but it’s also the only thing I ever want to do. “Pretty couldn’t even begin to capture you Hansol.” I say. “But we can at least start there.”  
I pull him close to me, and he sobs in my arms. I still don’t know what he meant that day. But some thoughts are just impossible to get across to others I guess. Some thoughts are only meant for ourselves to hear. But at the same time, if we well up these secrets, eventually there will be no more room. I think that’s what happened with Hansol that afternoon. But I don’t think I’ve ever loved him more for that.

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Things changed after that encounter with Hansol. We still hung out, but never again would we return to Montauk, and never again would the three of us lie in the field of forget-me-nots. Almost as if it had all been made up in my head, a story I would soon forget in a closet to age and waste.  
The weirdest part of it all was that I wasn’t mad about it. We were just friends again, even though, I was never sure of how much more we ever were. But I still loved him. I still loved him. Maybe that’s why it never tore me up. Because I loved him that much. Just seeing him, and being near him, and hearing his laugh, was enough for me. It was more than enough,  
In January, Hansol told me that he would be visiting family overseas for the remainder of the school year, and that he would come back at the end of June.  
It was easy to hear this news and cry into my pillow about it. Easy to find some disdain in his livelihood, in something he was fully entitled to do. I remember Mingyu and I waving goodbye to him for a while, as his car drove out of our neighborhood for the last time.  
It would be the longest five months of my life. Winter would turn to spring, and spring would turn to summer, just like they always had, and the world would continue to keep turning. He would turn sixteen without me, and all the while I would be jealous of all the time I didn’t get to be in the presence of his beautiful hazel eyes.  
Mingyu and I got a lot closer though. He would drive me around to all of his favorite spots, and I found comfort in having a friend who showed genuine care for me. He was a gentle soul, one that only wanted the best for those around him. He was so caring and dutiful to the ones he loved, almost as if he had a neverending debt to repay. He took me in as as a close friend, and to a point, family member during those months. He even invited me on a trip with his family to Europe over spring break.  
The more time went on, the less I thought about Hansol. Not in a bad way, but my life continued on in his absence, as it had before. School finally came to an end and it was summer again. I finally got my license, and with that, found a job working at a local bookstore.  
It was fulfilling working there. I saw Hansol in the books he so loved to read. And the calmness of the store never made it feel like work.  
One day I came home from the store only to find a letter had been placed on my bed. It didn’t have a return address, but had my name written in an all-to-familiar script. I opened the envelope up to find two small notes; one titled “1” and the other titled “2.” I assumed “1” was to be opened first, so I did. On the first note was written only a few words: “7:42PM, don’t open the second note until then.”  
It was about 6:45 now, but assuming who this was from, I did as I was told. The hour lasted longer than usual, and I itched to tear open the other note. Eventually 7:40 rolled around and I eagerly opened the second note.  
Written was a short list: 

1.Look out your window.

I walked to my window and looked out over the cul de sac; scanning the trees, sidewalk and horizon. For him. But there was no one. Not even a bird inhabited the space outside. The only dynamic being was the setting sun. It made the cul de sac glow with golden hues, and made the shadows of the trees expand and retract at it’s will. The light from the evening flickered in my eyes, but never once did I blink, never once did I shutter. I looked back down at the list, and carefully read the second, and final point:

 

2\. Do you see me Seungkwan?

**Author's Note:**

> It's funny, I wrote this and went back and read "Everywhere and Right Here" and I cried. You don't get a lot of Hansol characterization in that fic, and I did that on purpose. But in this one, I wanted to make his spirit come alive. I kept the world for the most part empty of excess characters because I wanted there to be a sense of solidarity in the relationship of Seungkwan and Hansol.
> 
> You might have noticed in-text citations, and that's because Hansol and Seungkwan make literary references that are not my own work, or that I wanted the reader to understand. So here are the citations to those:
> 
> 1\. Reference Romeo and Juliet Act 5, Scene 3  
> 2\. Reference Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind  
> 3\. Reference to Explosions In The Sky’s song “Remember Me As A Time of Day”  
> 4\. Reference Norwegian Wood
> 
> One last thing, I highly recommend reading Norwegian Wood; there's a reason I made that Hansol's favorite book.


End file.
